K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
