I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
