You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
