M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
