fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
