Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize