why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
not ubering you a puppy
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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