I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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