he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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