my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
