So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
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she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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