are you so shy because you have an std?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
