after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
