o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
