The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
