I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
