yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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