So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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