ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
