Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
