For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
