he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
