First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
