He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize