this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize