I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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