Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
