So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
