Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
