I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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