The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
