Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
