he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
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I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS