i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
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Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson