I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.