i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
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That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
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He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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