69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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