I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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