I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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