Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
