Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Small penises have feelings too.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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