Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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