a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
