Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
