Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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