i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
