you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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