My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
