Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
