if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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