I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
barbara walters just said penis...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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