Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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