cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
