So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
