She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
