i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
