Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
