dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
