Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
