If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
