I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
