I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
