i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
