I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
