3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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