I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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