I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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